Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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