just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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