so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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