I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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