she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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