The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
God I need to hump something, right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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