tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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