but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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