So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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