Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I want is dick and wine.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize