I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize