So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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