at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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