im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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