I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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