She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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