Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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