who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize