you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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