After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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