Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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