Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize