we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
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WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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