everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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