if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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