Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize