Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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