Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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