When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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