My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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