They should really pass out barf bags in church
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize