I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize