I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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