Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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