I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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