So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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