: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize