I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize