I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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