I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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