Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize