Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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