I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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