I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dick very happy bro
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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