You can't motorboat a personality
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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