I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize