Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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