And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize