drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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