just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize